Emotional Coaching for My Child: Dr. Choi Sung-ae and Dr. John Gottman's

Authors Choi Sung-ae, Jo Byeok, John Gottman · Publisher Hainaim Publishing Co., Ltd. · Published 2020-02-15 · ISBN 9788965749868

About the Book

Why Emotion Coaching is More Important Now Than Ever Before
In a situation where the parenting environment is rapidly deteriorating due to the recent increase in dual-income families and divorces, many children are growing up without forming a stable attachment with their parents. The long-term aftereffects of this insecure attachment are incredibly powerful, leading to various social problems beyond the family and classroom. Dr. Gottman, through long-term follow-up studies, reveals that emotion coaching is effective in preventing and treating attachment damage. Emotion coaching is also effective for parents who complain about difficulties in raising children in the harsh realities surrounding parenting, helping them to understand and heal their own emotions.
Above all, forming relationships is also at the core of social-emotional competencies, which are essential skills in the era of the 4th Industrial Revolution, and these can be nurtured through emotion coaching. In particular, infants and young children who express their emotions through aggressive behavior, and children who receive emotion coaching during childhood, learn to understand and regulate their emotions, thereby reducing their own stress. Furthermore, children who develop positivity and self-esteem through emotion coaching have increased concentration, leading to improved academic performance, and those who cultivate patience and self-regulation can build better relationships not only with peers but also with their parents.

A Textbook for Child Rearing That All Parents Must Read
The 5 stages of emotion coaching described in this book present the former 3rd and 4th stages in a modified order as follows: The first and second stages involve asking about the child's feelings to identify emotions, and recognizing that expressing emotions presents a good opportunity for emotion coaching. The third and fourth stages involve helping the child name their emotions so they can understand them, and empathizing and listening to the child's emotions through engaging conversations. The final, fifth stage is to guide the child towards desirable behavior by asking questions that help them find solutions themselves.
Dr. Choi Sung-ae and Professor Jo Byeok have systematized emotion coaching to suit the realities of parenting in Korea, making it easy for parents to follow. More importantly, they support the effectiveness and methods of emotion coaching with the latest theories from human development, neuroscience, cardiac science, and positive psychology. They introduce specific methods to enhance the effectiveness of emotion coaching by incorporating clinical experiences such as play therapy and relationship therapy. Furthermore, they demonstrate practical ways to apply emotion coaching through abundant real-life case studies tailored to the child's developmental stage.
Composed of 5 chapters, Chapter 1 covers the reasons why empathy for emotions is important and the effects of emotion coaching. Chapter 2 helps parents identify their meta-emotions and parenting styles, and explains how to understand the child's innate temperament and home environment. Chapter 3 introduces conversations that open and close the child's heart, and explains the counterproductive effects of praise and how to properly reprimand. Chapter 4 presents the 5 stages of emotion coaching. Chapter 5 introduces the characteristics of developmental stages from infancy to elementary school and emotion coaching play methods that can be applied to them.
The unchanging youth suicide rate and fierce competition for college admissions... In this anxious time for children, this book will provide parents with the know-how to restore their relationship with their child and raise a healthy and happy child. It will also offer an opportunity to re-examine the health of their relationships. Furthermore, it will impart wisdom to teachers and education stakeholders on how to foster 'empathy, communication, and resilience,' which are core qualities in the AI era, in children.

5 Stages of Emotion Coaching

"Look at the child's emotions first, not their behavior."
Emotion Coaching Stage 1: Recognizing the child's emotions
- Quickly notice when small emotions are shown

Emotion Coaching Stage 2: Seizing emotional moments as good opportunities
- The more intense the emotion, the better the opportunity

Emotion Coaching Stage 3: Helping the child verbalize emotions
- Name the emotions

Emotion Coaching Stage 4: Empathizing with and listening to the child's emotions
- Accept even complex emotions the child may not be aware of

Emotion Coaching Stage 5: Enabling the child to solve problems independently
- First, empathize and then set limits on behavior

From
This book has no waste. A must-read for all parents!

I've read countless parenting books, but if I had to choose just one to recommend, this is the one without hesitation. - Yes24 Bookworm

Why did I discover this book so late? If I had met it earlier, I could have made fewer mistakes... My gentle child wouldn't have had to hide his feelings of distress and suffer from stress... But I'm glad to have met this book now. It's a book I want to keep and refer to whenever I forget my resolve. - Yes24 kkakdugi0

Since childhood, I struggled to understand and empathize with others' emotions. Reading this book helped me understand why and how to fix it. Now that I'm about to become a father, I had fears that my child might live like me, but those concerns have been completely resolved. If I could only read one book when raising a child, I would choose this one. - Kyobo Bookstore kanghs7

This book wasn't an easy read. It was so painful, and I reflected a lot, so I couldn't quickly turn the pages. But I plan to read it thoroughly again. It would have been even better if I had read it before meeting my child. Highly recommended for parents and teachers alike. - Kyobo Bookstore sjkim0830

This is not a predictable book. The title is 'Emotion Coaching for My Child,' but it can also be read as 'Emotion Coaching for Myself.' As I read parenting books, I often confront 'the time when I was a child,' recalling passionate emotions that are hard to explain or are unexplainable. The behaviors of my child that are particularly hard to bear are often 'my repeated mistakes' that my parents overreacted to when I was a child.
- Aladin blanca

A must-read for all parents! Not only children but also parents need emotion coaching. The best book to help you understand everything from forgotten childhood memories to your child's heart! - Aladin Wizard of Oz

A gem of a parenting book! As soon as I read it, I wanted to put it into practice and talk about it. The words and actions of the mothers of seemingly happy children around me are exactly what this book talks about.
- Interpark dnrgm***

I wanted to raise my child to be emotionally healthy, but even though I knew it theoretically, it was not easy to put into practice. Then I came across this book. The point that mothers, too, have lived hiding their emotions, and therefore, mothers themselves must first be honest, resonated with me. I think this book would be beneficial for not only parents but also anyone struggling with relationships. - Interpark iaes***

Table of Contents

Foreword to the Revised Edition_ 10 Years with Emotion Coaching and 10 Years to Come_ Choi Sung-ae, Jo Byeok
Introduction_ The Magical Art of Connecting with Your Child, Emotion Coaching_ John Gottman
Introduction_ Emotion Coaching: Starting with Small Efforts_ Choi Sung-ae
Introduction_ Why Choose Emotion Coaching_ Jo Byeok

Chapter 1: A Child Who Manages Emotions Well is a Happy Child
1. Children Lost in Emotions
2. True Love is Empathizing with a Child's Emotions
3. How Children Who Receive Emotion Coaching Change

Chapter 2: Raise Children Who Are Honest About Their Emotions
1. Parents Who Are Honest About Their Own Emotions Understand Their Children's Emotions Well
2. How Should We Respond to a Child's Emotions?
3. Anyone Can Understand a Child's Emotions by Opening Their Heart
4. When Parents Are Happy, a Child's Happiness Doubles

Chapter 3: Emotion Coaching Communication Methods That Open a Child's Heart
1. Conversations That Open the Heart and Conversations That Close It
2. Principles are Important Even When Praising and Scolding

Chapter 4: The 5 Stages of Emotion Coaching for Connecting with Your Child
1. Emotion Coaching Stage 1: Recognizing the Child's Emotions
2. Emotion Coaching Stage 2: Seizing Emotional Moments as Good Opportunities
3. Emotion Coaching Stage 3: Helping the Child Express Emotions
4. Emotion Coaching Stage 4: Empathizing with and Listening to the Child's Emotions
5. Emotion Coaching Stage 5: Enabling the Child to Solve Problems Independently

Chapter 5: How to Treat Children Should Vary by Developmental Stage
1. Infants Before Their First Birthday: Make Eye Contact and Share Emotions
2. Young Children Who Are Poor at Expressing Emotions: They Will Rebel More if Unrecognized
3. Preschool Children: Relationships with Friends Are Important
4. Elementary School Children: Humiliation and Shame are Forbidden!
5. Adolescence: Empathy, More Empathy, is Needed

Appendix_ Real-Life Case Studies of Emotion Coaching by Situation
Appendix 1: When a Child Throws a Tantrum and Gets Angry
Appendix 2: When a Child is Upset and Cries
Appendix 3: When a Child Feels Confused Emotions
Appendix 4: When Things You Don't Like Still Need to Be Understood
Appendix 5: When a Child is Stubborn Because Things Don't Go Their Way