How to make someone you dislike disappear

Author Motoko Hori · Publisher Deep & Wide · Publication Date 2026-06-08 · ISBN 9791191369786

About the Book

It's unavoidable to dislike someone. But you don't have to give up your entire day for it.
How to reduce the size of your hatred instead of eliminating the person you dislike

We give up more than we realize to people we dislike. Time, mood, concentration, the peace before sleep, and even the best spot in our hearts. While they live on without a care, we repeatedly recall their words and actions. Then, at some point, we start to dislike ourselves more for disliking that person so much.

『How to Make People You Dislike Disappear』 starts from precisely that point. When there's someone you dislike in your daily life—at work, school, social gatherings, or within your family—relationships that can't be easily cut off, we often think of two solutions: endure or avoid. However, enduring doesn't bring peace of mind, and avoiding doesn't solve the problem fundamentally. Even if you distance yourself from one person, the same negative feelings will recur if another person you dislike appears.

This book focuses not on 'people' but on 'mindsets.' Why did I come to dislike that person? Where did that feeling begin? Why do I repeatedly get unsettled by the same type of person? The author calmly unravels the mechanism of dislike and teaches methods to reset oneself without being swayed by negative emotions.

A striking message is the perspective that "the heart has a capacity." The space in your heart is not infinite. It should be filled with your work, relationships, dreams, rest, and things you love. If the feeling of 'dislike' takes up that precious space, there is no greater waste. This book does not force you to forgive the person you dislike. It simply suggests that you should not keep letting that person steal your heart's capacity.

The cute dinosaur on the cover perfectly illustrates the book's message. Hatred may seem like a small emotion at first, but if you keep feeding it, it can grow large enough to swallow you whole. This book doesn't teach you how to fight that dinosaur, but how to stop feeding your heart to it.

In an era where anger and criticism have become common, dubbed the 'Great Era of Dislike,' this book proposes a quiet yet firm direction. It's much easier not to hate than to struggle not to be hated. It's much more realistic to change your reaction to someone than to change that person. 『How to Make People You Dislike Disappear』 will be the lightest and most practical method for resetting one's mind for readers in their 20s to 40s who are tired of human relationships.

Table of Contents

Prologue Introduction · 7
Chapter 1 Why Do We Come to Hate?
01 Where Does Hatred Come From?… 15
The first true nature of hatred, psychological defense instinct… 17
The second true nature of hatred, unexpected behavior and differences in values… 20
A feeling that cannot be erased and does not need to be erased… 22
LESSON Acknowledge your feelings… 24
02 The Words and Actions of Others That Evoke Hatred… 26
Emotion first, then verbalization… 29
When the brain is tired, the world becomes hateful… 30
LESSON Don't underestimate your own opinion… 33
03 The Cause of Hatred Within Me… 35
People are drawn to past experiences… 36
The amygdala that stores negative memories… 38
The habit of questioning your beliefs… 41
LESSON Try to understand the other person's circumstances… 43

Chapter 2 'Thought Reset Technique' to Clear Away Frustrating Feelings
01 How to Restart Human Relationships: 'Reset'… 47
Does resetting solve everything?… 48
High-risk 'severance reset'… 50
The outcome of a severance reset… 51
Highly recommended! Thought reset… 53
Thinking habit = white dress shirt… 54
02 4 Steps of Thought Reset Step 1: Facing Yourself… 58
‘But…’ and ‘No…’… 59
What happens if words come before emotions?… 60
How does the other person think?… 61
The other person's emotions and my emotions are separate tasks… 63
03 4 Steps of Thought Reset Step 2: Striving to Understand… 66
Why does the other person act that way?… 68
Three questions to understand the other person… 69
Respecting your own feelings while understanding the other person's situation… 70
04 4 Steps of Thought Reset Step 3: Letting Go of Baseless Convictions… 73
The trap created by baseless convictions… 74
How to escape the trap created by baseless convictions… 75
LESSON Use positive language… 78
05 4 Steps of Thought Reset Step 4: Taking Action… 82
It's best to avoid even a 1% chance of failure… 83
Start with very small actions… 84
When it's impossible to open your heart… 86

Chapter 3 The Magic That Happens When People You Dislike Disappear
01 The Free Space Created by Letting Go of Hatred… 89
A heart occupied by hatred… 90
Three options available to everyone… 94
02 Beyond Hatred to Generosity… 100
We are all imperfect beings… 102
Mandatory thinking that creates hatred… 103
Saying goodbye to mandatory thinking… 105
03 Letting Go of Hatred and Growing One Step Further… 107

Chapter 4 Training to Erase Hatred
01 Daily Reset Habits - Practical Guide -… 111
First reset habit: Deep breathing… 112
Second reset habit: Sleep… 114
Third reset habit: Mindfulness… 116
Fourth reset habit: Reading… 118
Fifth reset habit: Journaling… 119
LESSON Gratitude journaling… 122
02 Finding Ways to Change Your Mood… 124
LESSON Take a light walk… 126
LESSON You can't control emotions, but you can choose your reactions… 130
LESSON React after the emotion has peaked… 133
WORK Separate facts and emotions… 135

Chapter 5 Becoming a Likable Person
01 Common Traits of People with Smooth Relationships… 139
Five reasons why they are wonderful… 140
02 Observing Likable People… 148
Shifting your perspective with a different mindset… 152
LESSON Find someone different from you… 154
03 Start with What You Can Definitely Practice… 156
Small successes building up one by one… 157
The '21-day rule' for habit formation… 158
Resolving communication errors… 162
LESSON Say "I like you"… 167
WORK Use "I" statements… 170

Chapter 6 What You Need to Do for Your Bright Future
01 Focus on What You Can Control… 173
No more 'What if…'!… 174
LESSON Organize what you can change and what you cannot… 179
02 The Attitude of Others is a Result of My Communication Style… 181
Am I communicating effectively?… 181
03 How You Treat Yourself Changes Your Relationships… 188
Easily overlooked mental health… 190
The brain that loves new information… 190
A mind not swayed by low-importance information… 195
LESSON Make decisions in 1 second… 198
04 The Vessel That Holds Others… 201
You are the one suffering from not being able to forgive… 203
WORK Find good points in people you dislike… 210
WORK Recall an unfortunate event and say thank you… 214
Epilogue Concluding Remarks · 218